Some Passing Randomness

I've had some thoughts lately and none of them are really long enough to make their own whatever so they'll just all be jumbled into one collage of fun.

I was watching Friday Night Lights last week I think and the daughter on the show told her mom that she didn't know why they went to church.  Her mom got really worried and talked to her about why she felt church was important.  She said that she thought church was important because it will be "something that can hold you, when I'm not able to hold you anymore."  I thought this was the coolest thought about religion, or really anything that holds you.  We all need those things that we can hold us back when we have to grow up.  Especially when we don't want to grow up.

Less serious thought:  I love the spring.  Honestly I really do.  But I also pretty much hate it because all these bugs and their bug friends come out.  I may have told this story before when I was small my dad would always kill spiders for me.  And before he would kill them he would take a close look at them and say "Oh! it's a jumping spider!"  In my little head I would always think "Oh man, I wonder how he knows which spiders jump?!"  It took me a legit 21 years to figure out that he said that about every spider and then call him on it.  He laughed at me.  I'm pretty sure he worried about my sanity.  But anyway, here in lovely AA, there are actually spiders that jump.  They legit jump.  Well this morning I woke up, looked at the wall above my head and there sat a spider.  Hate that.  Then later in the morning I'm chilling on my couch and a flipping WASP flies by.  Not good.  It almost makes me miss Arizona where it's too dang hot for bugs to inhabit.

I've been having shopping problems lately.  I can't seem to stop myself.  Yet everything I've bought is of course absolutely fabulous.  I got some brilliant shoes that are somewhat like the Louboutin fabulousity that I actually want.  I got lots of sweet shirts and a fantastic straightener, and a present for my friend.  I need to stop.... but all I can think about is going to the mall.  I'm usually not like this!

That's all I've got.  I'm rambly today if you can't tell....

Final Count!

Yesterday I came home and Betty had been scared away from her nest so I finally got to get a picture of her nest.  Usually when she leaves she covers up the eggs so I can't see them but since she was scared I could sneak a quick pic.

I could see ten eggs.  There could be more somewhat hidden but all I could see was ten.  I would post a pic of Betty but it would be exactly the same as the last one I posted.  She sits on the nest for about 23 hours a day as far as I can tell.  There have been some insane rain storms and she diligently sits there.  I admire her stamina honestly.  She still watches me somewhat distrustingly but she'll listen while I talk to her and I believe she's convinced I'm not going to hurt her now.

Looking for a Job?!

Wanted:  A graduate student.

Do you like to do puzzles?  Do you like to work in buildings and labs with no windows?  Do you find great satisfaction from meaningless and trivial daily victories?  Then do I have the job for you!!

Benefits:   If you stick with it long enough you may come out with a degree, although you must also do a post doc after achieving said degree to have any hope of a job and even then a job is not assured.  You get the privilege of continuing to take classes at a much higher level with professors who are either fantastic or drastically condescending.  You get an added realization of the true benefit and value of sleep, your home, the time it takes to do laundry, and seeing your family infrequently.

Don't get me wrong.  I do actually like my job.  And I'm excited to be getting a PhD.  But some days, I have days where I agree wholeheartedly with my dad.  He tells me that some days serve only to help me understand the act of drinking large amounts of hard alcohol.

Lucy is now Betty

I liked my sisters name much better than Lucy so I'm changing her name to Betty.  I finally got a picture of her!  She is getting more used to me.  I actually had a party at my house last night and she stayed on her nest the entire time.  I was impressed she didn't get scared with the number of people going in and out.  She is so cute.  She's now up to 9 or 10 eggs.  I'm so amazed that such a tiny duck can have that many eggs!!  That's the only update I have for now though.  More to come!

Lucy's Story

Take a look at this picture.  This is what I see when walking directly out my door.  It is my neighbor's flower garden.  Looks beautiful right?

Okay this is really boring honestly.  It's just green, there are no flowers yet, and honestly I hardly ever notice their plants.  Yesterday was completely different however.  But before I give it away let's take a closer look at the bushes there.

See anything interesting yet?

Now do you see it?  Just the hint of it....

This is, and is going to continue to be the story of Lucy, my new pet.  Yesterday morning I walked out of my front door and quite suddenly had a run in with a very surprised duck. (I have since learned it is a mallard duck after an hour long conversation with my momma)  I was quite shocked to see a duck right outside my front door as usually they are outside my back door (I live on a lake).  So me being the curious person I am I started looking around from where the duck came from.  And what should I find but:

That's right!  My adorable little duck is going to be a mama duck!  This picture was actually taken today and there are 7 eggs today, yesterday there were only 5.  Apparently mallard ducks lay anywhere between 10 and 15 eggs then sit on them for about a month before they hatch.  I can't wait to see little baby ducks!!  I don't have a picture of Lucy because she is a little afraid of me.  I came up on her today sleeping but when I opened the door she woke up and left.  She apparently thinks I'm sketchy.  But I'll try and describe her.  She's very small actually, the smallest duck I've see that's full grown.  And she's a pretty tan and brown.

So for the next month I hope to periodically update on Lucy and her future ducklings!!

Tulip Love

As it was just Mother's Day it is quite appropriate and fortuitous that this post is a dedication to my mom.  There are many things that my momma taught me to love, not the least of which is a love of flowers.  I can definitely remember planting and watching flowers grow pretty much my entire life.  I remember most vividly the roses and the hollyhocks.  These were the prettiest and best of all the flowers we grew I thought.  I adore rose bushes and never minded dead-heading them or taking off all the aphids.  They're just so gorgeous!  The colors that flowers can achieve is ridiculous.  You can't even come close to capturing it on camera, which is unfortunate but even more awesome because you have to get out in them to really appreciate them.
Here's the thing though, we never had tulips.  I remember planting them once and then watching these d*** (but cute) rabbits come up and eat the entire flower in one bite.  So disappointing.  I don't know if that is the reason I never really cared for tulips or what, but basically I thought they were boring.  Just not a very interesting shape I guess.  I always could draw them pretty well though hahah......

And then I went to Chicago and realized that tulips could be fantastically colorful, but still I was not overly impressed with them.  I was more impressed with the fact that Chicago had them ALL over their city.  They really were working on the beautification and it was awesome.  Brilliantly colored flowers with fog was just awesome.  This resulted in a lot of pictures but not a love of tulips.  And then my friends, I went to Holland.  Michigan that is.  Which is apparently the tulip capital of America or something insane like this.  I was in Holland for their annual tulip festival and spent only about 3 hours there, and yet I came away with about 75 pictures of tulips.  The colors were the most amazing things I had ever seen, I wish I could describe.  I had no idea there were so many different kinds and shapes and color combinations of tulips!!  Gorgeous.  Pure Gorgeous.

So in honor of my mother and in honor of a new favorite flower here are some inadequate but still amazing pics of the tulip.

My Aches

Most the time it's just a dull ache.  That thing I mostly try not to think about.  Sometimes I forget about the ache and it rescinds into my chest.  This happens when I'm busy, doing other things, or laughing.  But then there are days when the Ache is more of a stabbing.  These are not trivial Aches.  They are not the kind you feel momentarily after a bad break up with a boy you were never supposed to be with anyway, or the ache of getting in an fleeting argument with a friend.  These Aches are not those aches. No matter what I do I cannot forget that these Aches are there.  I cannot forget that it just hurts and there's nothing I can do about it.  I can't forget it, I can't get rid of it, I just have to feel it.

The more that I live with my friend, the Ache, the more I start to realize there could be benefits to it.  Of course I resented it at first.  I even considered, and would have, given up all my dreams to live without it.  But you can't do that can you?  You cannot give up things to stop the hurt.  Sometimes you wish on all the stars that it didn't hurt, but would you really ever give up the cause of the hurt? Never, because the things that hurt the most, the things that cause the biggest Aches in our hearts, are the things we love the most.  They're the things that would Always make us question giving up our dreams.  But these Aches are special Aches, not only are they kind that never go away, they're the kind that push us to be better.  The kind that teach us we can't give up on our dreams, even if we wish and hope that we could.

There can be comfort in the pain. Comfort in the fact, that behind the Ache, behind the things that hurt, is complete and pure Love.  The kind of Love that makes you smile in the dark, that brings you joy in the hardest of times.  The Ache hurts, but the Love always shines through in the end.  It makes the Ache worth it.  It teaches me that the Ache is there to make me more aware of the Love, not to block out the Love.  So the Ache is there.  And I can't, and won't, get rid of it.  So I embrace the Love it brings, and the comfort that I am not the only one with the Aches.  And of course not the only one with such amazing Love in my life.