Monday, July 6, 2009

First day of Kindergarten

My amazing friend Kara warned me that coming to grad school would be discouraging, that I wouldn't know anything and everyone here was smarter than me. Ha boy, I was hoping I wouldn't have to learn this lesson the first day but I did. Well not really but I did get amazingly overloaded with information. I was kind of already overloaded moving in and unpacking and making decisions about how my furniture would go, and trying to figure out what direction is which in a town with no landmarks. And trust me, that's hard. But I'm getting better and better everyday. So today was my first day. I met with my advisor and then with the post doc that I would be working with. I got my new id card and I got a TON of information about what (I think) I'm going to be researching. It was totally overwhelming though because I don't have an office, I don't have a computer, and I don't know what I need to be doing right now. I kind of felt today like I needed to know what I was doing and start doing it, be self-motivated. It was just way to much information to process in such a short amount of time. But after I got home, I was able to talk to Ab, who just listened to me complain. And I got to talk to my dad who said the only thing that I should be able to do on the first day on my own was find the bathroom. Haha I need to ask questions and not be afraid of anything like that or that I don't know what I'm doing right now (this statement is just as much a statement as it is a mantra I have been telling myself all night)

On the upside I am still super excited to be starting this new thing and I'm excited about the research I'll be doing. And I have all these awesome people in my head who know what they're talking about and ones who are completely outside the situation and can give me an objective opinion on things! So for a first day it was a true first day - fun and new but whoa! Ha pretty sure it will get better though.


Abbey said...

It's such a big thing that you did going off to MI by yourself that I still get a little choked up about it. Mostly because it's so big for Mom and Dad to have you be gone, and it makes me feel feelings for them and you. But also because I'm excited and proud for/of you. I didn't have anything to say to you today, because I have no comforting words. Other than yeah, it's going to suck for the first week or so. I get so nervous when I don't know what's going on and I remembered that feeling and was a little stressed out myself, haha. I'm glad Dad was able to ease your stress more so than I. Miss you Heid, love you :)

Kara said...

Wow, I sound like quite a downer in this post! :) I feel like I need to fix that. Ok, so the beginning of grad school is super overwhelming- that's totally NORMAL. For me, it was scary and overwhelming and I felt like the dumbest person in the room every day. But I quickly learned that the person who thought he was the smartest guy in the room was also the most annoying, so I resolved to quietly go about the business of getting smarter. I know you'll do the same thing, Heidi, because you're super observant and incredibly sharp. And who doesn't like sarcasm? Only lame people because sarcasm is awesome. So in all those overwhelming moments, I hope that one of those voices you hear in your head is me chanting "You can do it! You can do it!" I don't just give away the title of favorite student, you know, its a hard earned moniker. :)

Anonymous said...

It is completely amazing to me that the person who wrote the mature comment, and who gave Heidi the "favorite student" moniker - is someone who I remember in diapers. Oh dear. I must be very old. But I am very VERY proud of all of you!