Christmas Memories

In the spirit of Chrstimas I was thinking about all of my favorite memories from those times and when I was little. So here are just a few. I share them because sharing memories is like sharing yourself and you can see what inspires people and what has really made an impression on them because those are the things they remember the most.
So first one of my favorite things is that every Christmas morning I am the one who gets to seperate all the presents and decide where people sit. I also love it that no one has realized that I give myself the best seat every year. Haha. But one year I came out really early and just started seperating the presents not even thinking about it and I had them all seperated when mom came out. She was a little upset because she hadn't taken a picture of the tree yet and I had to put every single present back, take a picture and then seperate them again. So after that I have taken a picture of the tree FIRST before seperating everything.
Another favorite memory is being little, before we moved so before I was seven and was really into Santa. Abbey and I used to wake up really! early and Megan too, and to pass the time before mom and dad got up we would sort of just sift through what was under the tree and guess what we had all gotten. Then we would all just kind of lay on the living room floor and talk about what we'd do with our presents and stuff like this. I just realized that by that point in time Abbey and Megan were already older than me and were totally playing along the santa thing for my benefit and that's so cool! I don't have anyone little that I could pretend for so I never thought about it but it must have been so fun to see me get so excited.
Okie, last one I'll share, one of my favorite traditions is every Christmas day after all our presents are open Lauren, my best friend, and I call eachother and discuss what we got and what we're excited about. It's not too monumental but it's so nice to talk to her even though she's never with me and be excited about what she got and have all kinds of fun talking.
So there's just a couple of my fun memories for Christmas. If you want you should leave your own!

On to family memories..

I'm finally done with the semester!!! All the tests, all the homework, all the projects, and all the graduate applications! So what this means is that I have time to finally do something other than school. Like finally read again or spend time with my family. And family is the subject of this post. I was talking to a friend recently and ended up asking them what their favorite part of spending time with their family. And then I thought about my favorite part of being with my family and thought I would write it down and share everything.
So this is what I decided the absolute best time was when all my family is together. When we're all together as a family we usually play games and I love it. We all sit together and usually end up laughing hilariously, like when we played Curses and all had weird things going on. It's just amazing to listen to everyone talk and laugh and tease each other. Those are the memories that I love the most because when we're all together we end up just being really happy and our teasing personalities just make everything so much fun. And we're all just so dang smart that the games are fun that way too. Challenging and just being together. And we always manage to figure out new things about each other, like how my mom can pick out specific people only from their profession and dates they lived. Haha I'm pretty sure we were all floored when she got four of those in a row in Smart Ass.
I love spending time with my family whatever we're doing I just picked out games as the time when everything is good and everyone ends up amazingly happy and at random times I just think of those times and start laughing. Ha and then I look like the weirdo I am.

Reasons why I'm weird.

Today is dedicated to my weirdness. Well it's my nature so I don't think it's weird but some other people might think it is. Okay first is my outlook on finals. Every year, semester after semester, people freak out about finals time and midterms, and for me, finals are the easiest part of the entire semester in every class. Maybe that's because of the classes I take where the projects are really the worst part, but finals have never worried me. I know it's 4 tests in two days but I just don't worry about them and I'm fairly sure they're be ridiculously easy.... Haha I hope I'm right about that. Usually what I'm stressing about is the homework or projects that teachers make due now, not the tests. Maybe that means I'm a good test taker...
Second is waiting. I don't have a problem doing it. For example, I finally finished my applications!!! And now I just have to wait I think until March for them to tell me if I got in or not. But I don't care. The hardest most stressful part of the process was actually pushing the submit button and letting my applications float through the ether to where they will actually be judged. Scary!! But now I don't care that I'm waiting. I don't care about waiting for my GRE scores either, which by the way should be here now. Maybe my mom already has them and just hasn't told me.... haha doubt that though. Dad maybe has them since he is the one who checks the mail, not mom. I guess though that Kara was right about this one, all the work I had to do is done now so it's no more stress.
Last is the fact that I keep buying things that I'll someday need. Well at least rationalizing it that way. See I have a love of jackets. All kinds, trench coats, big puffy ones, sweaters. I love them all and I'm totally in the wrong state for that right now. But! I'm going to grad school someplace else, maybe someplace ridiculously cold! So I'm going to need the jackets so it's okay that I'm buying them... Ha I think I just want an excuse but whatev.

So there's my random things about myself. For no good reason. Time to go finish some anatomy homework for Thursday :).

I like to eat sushi and watch the view...

Haha twilight review, and not really on the title. Just because I love to give my opinion on things. First I loved the books and loved the movie. But I don't compare books to movies. They're two different things and you can't do that. Books are things that have a great deal of emotion and detail because you can elaborate, movies have the visual effects. But they're two different mediums and one is never the same as any other, so don't compare. Be excited because you love the book but don't compare! That being said, here are my thoughts:
- Cam. James. Vulchek. Hoover dam the man is good looking. My friend gave me the best present ever today which is a picture of his GAP ad. He is fantastic. I love him to death and am so sad that he died!
- The characters they picked all fit the parts extremely well I must say. Edward and Bella especially fit so well with eachother, they had good chemistry.
- The only time Edward was attractive though was when he had the Raybans and the leather jacket and smiled. Oh then he was good looking I have to say.
- Baseball, that was fun. Jasper especially was fun to watch. Okay hot when he's spinnin the baseball bat. Love it. Although agreeing with Ab on his eyes, dude don't open them so wide.
- I wish the family talked more, I think that would have been better. I think the next movies will be better because they talk more, hopefully.
- Jacob was cute, good thing he's only 16 so he can get bigger!
- Their house was amazing, I was hoping for that to be really good and I wasn't disappointed.
- Too bad it was low budget because the cars were disappointing, although that jeep is my dream I must say.
- Running - lame, could have done better, I realize it's hard but the blurred arms moving thing was not so cool. I saw it. I laughed.
I'm excited for the next books. Overall good movie because the characters fit really well and it was a love story. I'm excited for the other ones and I still love the books and it did not ruin anything.

I'd like to thank....

The person who invented the lint roller. Such a simple invention but it saves my sanity when I'm covered in dog hair, my car is covered in dog hair, and all my clothes are covered in dog hair. Thanks. And that's also why I have dogs that don't shed. I love dogs but the hair is something that needs to be overcome.

That Time of Year

I love stuffing. I crave stuffing. I go to Boston Market all throughout the year just to get stuffing. Thanksgiving and Christmas are the best times ever because people make me stuffing. I love leftover stuffing cold or hot, doesn't even need gravy. I just want the stuffing. I can't wait for stuffing!

I recently traveled to the foreign place of Austin Texas to visit my best friend Lauren and while we were there we went to whole foods to eat. Apparently Whole Foods started in Austin so the one there is ridiculously large. But the point of this ramble is that they are advertising buying your thanksgiving dinner through them, so they were giving out samples.... of stuffing. Real home made stuffing with sourdough bread and it was the best stuff I have ever eaten. I can't wait for stuffing.

Sell Yourself

So...trying to fill out applications for grad school. Great fun that is let me tell you. And with the pressure of trying to study for the Graduate Records exam, and not fail any of my regular plain old undergrad classes, it's even more fun. But that aside, what my deal is, I don't know how to sell myself. I have to write letters for each school to get them to believe that I'm going to be good for their school. I can't just let my academic record or my merit really speak for itself and I don't know how to say I'm ridiculously awesome. Trust me. Haha so that's seriously putting me in setback mode but hopefully my meeting with the chair of my department will help.... Maybe I need an English major to help me...

Split-Second Convos

So I'm sure we've all had the same kind of experience, where something happens and we have this whole conversation with ourselves, reason things out, come to conclusions, laugh.... all in the space of .025 seconds. It's an amazing thing, how fast your brain works. Here's an illustration. Haha Story time!! So last night I rode my bike over to my friend's house for our weekly gossip girl night. Then I'm riding back, and I reach with my right hand to turn on the light, so that I'm safe, I do try and be safe. And I realized I was coming up to a road so I thought, oh I should slow down, which I then do with my left hand. Anyone who knows a bike knows that the front brake is on the left and the back brake is on the right. So when I did that, I hit the front brake. Future warning.... NEVER DO THAT. Just hitting the front brake is so not a good idea, it causes you to flip over your handlebars and slide down the asphalt tearing up your side. But here's the point of the story, in the time that I subconsciously decided I needed to hit the brake and hit the brake I had a whole conversation with myself. Well that's an understatement, I had a screaming match with myself. I reach for the brake and then start screaming at myself. NO!!!!! YOU NEVER HIT THE RIGHT BRAKE YOU'RE GOING TO FALL AND BREAK YOUR IPOD THAT'S ON YOUR LEFT SIDE. NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! And then I hit the pavement. And I'm sliding down the pavement still thinking, Yup, that just happened, now you've done it. I told you that was an idiot move! See you can already feel your bruised hip. Good Job Heidi! Ha I was thinking about that little conversation on the way home when I'm riding with one hand. Those things happen so fast! Just like when you have a moment when you do a double-take and try to process what you've just seen. Whole conversations that take minutes and minutes to explain or actually have just take tenths or less of a second to have. Priceless.

Like sister like sister

So instead of like mother like child, I'm like my sister. So Abbey has a little girl and because she's a mom she occasionally worries about things a little bit more than necessary. Maybe sometimes a lot. Maybe going off the deep end is a better term. Now don't get me wrong, I love my sister and have just recently acquired a new appreciation for this habit that she sometimes has. Last week I got a spider bite. I didn't notice when I got it I just looked down and it was really huge on my leg and really swollen and hurt pretty bad. Well that was unlike any spider bite I've ever had so me being the curious person I am was curious as to what kind of spider bit me. So I went on the internet, and word of caution, NEVER do this. I freaked myself out so bad that I honestly was scared that I was going to lose my leg. I was convinced I had been bitten by a brown recluse and could not sleep for an entire night. Why I got so freaked out, I don't even know. Maybe because school was super stressing me out so I was already a little crazy or I hadn't gotten enough sleep. I don't know, but I FLIPPED out. I maybe would have gone further in my madness but luckily I was talking to my friend at the time who made me stop looking at the computer. If not for that I might have gotten even worse. The entire time this was happening I was thinking to myself, Heidi, you have gone off the crazy train right now. This is not rational AT ALL, and yet here you are, still on the computer at 1 in the morning. What are you doing? But yet, I couldn't stop myself. It was crazy. But I finally went to sleep and woke up in the morning realizing that I was a complete idiot, I had not been bitten by a crazy spider, and was not going to die. But for that small amount of time...it was awful....and Heidi went crazy.

I hear what you're saying....

So you're in an argument with someone and trying to get everyone to maybe calm down and understand where everyone is coming from. And then the person you're having a heated conversation with says these words "I hear what you're saying....but" and then they launch into the same things that they've been saying all along. Or "I see where you're coming from....but". Ya that's like telling me to calm down when I'm upset. It just doesn't happen. And it has the opposite effect of me calming down. In fact it makes me so more upset when I'm patronized like a two year old then if you just said I was an idiot for not understanding. In all reality you moron don't have any idea what I'm saying or where I'm coming from otherwise we would have already established that I'm right and you're an idiot. It's like apologizing before you insult someone, or sayings she's so nice but just ugly. That doesn't make it better, it makes you a hypocrite. Low simpleminded people who can't step outside their own preconceptions and prejudices and even see the value in the other person's argument don't help anyone. Even if you're not going to agree, just being able to understand where another person is coming from helps everything. You don't have to agree, just by understanding doesn't mean that you're going to have to give up your convictions and "go to the dark side" or whatever the hell you think is going to happen by having a rational conversation. It's amazing to have your own opinions and convictions, I applaud that in everyone, but being so shortsighted that you can't even objectively think about anything other than YOUR opinion is not a good thing. In fact it makes everything in the "real world" harder to deal with and you make everything harder than it needs to be. Don't be scared to see things from others' viewpoints, that's not necessary.

Sorry for the tirade....but this probably is my biggest pet peeve in the entire universe and I had to vent.

That's the ticket

So there's this stuff....called cheesecake, that is my absolute most favorite special mind blowing dessert that I totally and completely adore. Yup. Cheesecake. It's the ONLY kind of dessert that I could eat all day every day. And I'm not a dessert person. Cake is not a fav. But anyway, I digress. Back to cheesecake. I hate pumpkin. I have never liked pumpkin pie although the smell is delicious. But I despise pumpkin pie. BUT, my grandma used to make pumpkin bars, and it's like my childhood comes back when I smell it now and I am oddly fascinated with trying everything pumpkin. Except the pie, still don't like it. Again, a side step although a necessary one in order to explain my real thought. Pumpkin cheesecake. I say it again, pumpkin cheesecake. Pumpkin cheesecake from The Cheesecake factory. I loved it. I might have to go back again and get more. I could not stop eating it. So ya. Pumpkin cheesecake takes me back to the grandmother that I love and cheesecake which I also love. It was the most amazing cheesecake love I've ever had.

Whoa. Kill the Motor Dude

Sorry, had to throw the Finding Nemo reference in there since I watch that movie all the time and the quotes have now become just as second nature as Brian Regan. This week has been.....interesting. Not really the most busy week, well at least not now since I have nothing due for the rest of the week....well nothing big. But anyway, that's beside the point, either way this week I have been incredibly stressed out. To the point of almost losing my temper with the poor woman who gave me a pedicure who mildly insulted me saying I needed to wax more. But due to this stress I've been pondering the little things that can help us unwind and not take normal everyday stress to new and spectacular levels. It's got to be healthy that we have these outlets right? I mean they say stress is the number one cause of getting sick. So I was thinking about the things that keep me sane. Sadly most of them I personally have to do alone otherwise they do not help at all. Haha being around people does not ease my stress although sometimes I wish it would because finding time alone is hard. But anyway my things are first and always listening to music. I have a playlist for every mood I can possibly have and I have to find the right one to destress me. If I'm depressed I listen to mellow music like James Blunt, if I'm angry or annoyed I listen to really loud music that drowns out my thoughts, and if I'm just low then I listen to love songs. Cheesy to the max I know but love songs give me hope in everything so it helps. My next destress thing is working out. This I have to do alone, I really really really really hate to work out with other people and just going for a walk or something by myself makes everything better for me. And lastly, something that I usually forget but wish I didn't is playing the piano. Even though I'm not as good as I would like to be at playing the songs I love, just moving my hands that way helps me connect to the songs I play. I wish I knew more songs but the ones I really only play are hymns, I think they're beautiful to hear and none of them make you sad. Tonight my sis took her offspring to the park to play after dinner and I think they were gone for an hour and I played her piano the entire time she was gone. It was awesome. Haha then her daughter came home, saw me playing and started crying and came and pushed me off the bench to get me to quit playing her piano. Haha. I don't know why I decided to share what my little things are, maybe just so that I don't forget them again and get so stressed that I can't function.....

On a lighter note...I claim all credit for the naming of Abbey's child!!! Haha probably not but that's what I'll say until the end of my life.

On a lighter "make Heidi laugh hysterically note" but perhaps sobering at the same time....Someone has tried to sue God. A Senator no less. He sued because he said that God had threatened his Omaha constituents and caused widespread fear and "widespread death, destruction and terrorization of millions upon millions of the Earth's inhabitants." (That's a direct quote people) Yup. That just happened. Too bad the judge threw out the lawsuit because since the summons couldn't be delivered to a home address of the defendant (God), the suit wasn't legal. Oh but the good senator has not given up, he thinks that by saying God has no home address that shows the court recognizes His omniscience, and since God knows all, God knows he was sued. Ya good luck with that one buddy. He has 30 days to decide whether he'll appeal. What an awesome man the people of Nebraska have picked for themselves. He served in the Legislature for 38 years, and has criticized Christians on numerous occasions. You stay classy San Diego, you stay classy.

Just Because

Just because I have fallen in love with this song, I feel like sharing the lyrics because they're amazing!! Haha

Gotta Be Somebody - Nickleback

This time I wonder what it feels like
To find the one in this life
The one we all dream of
But dreams just aren't enough
So I´ll be waiting for the real thing.
I know it by the feeling.
The moment when we´re meeting
Will play out like a scene straight off the silver screen
So I`ll be holdin’ my breath
Right up to the end
Until that moment when I find the one that I spend forever with

`Cause nobody wants to be the last one there.
'Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares.
Someone to love with my life in their hands.
There`s gotta be somebody for me like that.
`Cause nobody wants to go it on their own
And everyone wants to know they´re not alone.
Somebody else that feels the same somewhere.
There`s gotta be somebody for me out there.

Tonight out on the street out in the moonlight
And damn it this feels too right
It´s just like Déjà Vu
Me standin’ here with you
So I´ll be holdin`my breath
Could this be the end?
Is it that moment when I find the one that I spend forever with?

‘Cause nobody wants to be the last one there
'Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares.
Someone to love with my life in their hands.
There´s gotta be somebody for me like that.
`Cause nobody wants to go it on their own
And everyone wants to know they´re not alone.
Is there somebody else that feels the same somewhere?
There`s gotta be somebody for me out there.

You can´t give up!
Lookin´ for that diamond in the rough
Because you never know when it shows up
Make sure you´re holdin` on
‘Cause it could be the one, the one you´re waiting on

‘Cause nobody wants to be the last one there.
'Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares.
Someone to love with my life in their hands.
There has gotta be somebody for me Ohhhhhh.
Nobody wants to go it on their own
And everyone wants to know they´re not alone.
Is there somebody else that feels the same somewhere?
There `s gotta be somebody for me out there.

Nobody wants to be the last one there
And everyone wants to feel like someone cares.
Is there somebody else that feels the same somewhere?
There has gotta be somebody for me out there.

Love it.

Surveyage

Got this from Abbey, thought it was pretty interesting and I don't want to do homework at the moment...

I am: a girl, trying to find it.
I think: that music makes everything better
I know: that I could not live without my family
I want: to not have to worry about what's going to happen with school
I dislike: hypocrisy, not knowing
I miss: playing soccer, my parents
I fear: people won't like me
I hear: House, Ab and Ben discussing something
I smell: nothing...oh wait, the sage bath salts I just used
I crave: running
I cry: when I don't know what to do in a fight
I search: for interesting things every day
I wonder: if my presentation will be okay on Thursday
I regret: many choices and that I'm not as good as I could be
I love: laughing and intellectual conversations
I care: about making people happy
I always: am willing to look at cars
I worry: that I won't be a good engineer
I am not: convinced of everything people tell me
I remember: days when stress was not being able to see Lauren for an hour
I believe: exercise is one of the best ways to use your time
I dance: only when alone
I sing: all the time, there is always a song in my head
I don't always: see the use in some conversations
I argue: only when I'm truly passionate, banter on the other hand is an entirely different story
I write: to say the words that I can't say out loud to the people I'm not so good at talking to
I win: when I'm logical
I lose: an astonishing amount of items, but I manage to find them all...I think
I listen: to what you say
I don't understand: how good intentions can't carry me through
I can usually be found: doing homework or procrastinating the homework I should be doing
I am scared: of bridges
I need: knowledge
I forget: the ecstasy that comes from feeling in control of school
I am happy: when I understand, when I feel needed, when I am around the people I love.

Heidi Just Got Owned

So this morning....I'm getting ready for school just talking to Abbey and K, occassionally giving K a yellow skittle, just hanging out. Then my niecy sees my teddy bear on my bed and she really wants it. So I strike a deal with her. "I'll give you my bear if you give me your milk....?" So she grabs her milk and reaches for my bear. "No I get the milk and then you have my bear." Okay so she hands the milk over I give her the bear and I pretend to drink the milk. She's awesome for 2.5 seconds, then she wants her milk back. "Nope, it's mine now." "Mine?" "No K, it's mine, unless you give me the bear." "No!!" Okay so I'm not giving up the milk. Then she starts jabbering and pointing to the bear and the milk. And somewhere in the jabbering I catch, bear tirsty.... "Oh okay, so the bear is thirsty?" A nod. Well we can't have that now can we. Ha so I hand over the milk and she gives some to the bear. And then she starts drinking the milk and runs out of the room. Priceless. And that was me getting owned by the next generation. Haha, then she comes back in and I'm drinking water and she points to and goes "water. Mine." Haha it was awesome. Funny kid. Maybe Abbey will tell the story about her trying to get the tupperware open...

Not too Late, it's Never too Late

So I was reminded today of a song by Three Days Grace, called Never too Late. I was thinking about this as I was wallowing in the crap that I'm feeling like right now about how everything has gone wrong, or seems to be going wrong (see my last post). This is the point where I realized that I was ridiculously lame. Sometimes you really need to be slapped in the face, or beaten repeatedly over the head, by your mistakes and the areas where you're really not doing that well. You need this because it does one of two things, either it makes you really depressed and you start a downward spiral of despair, or you realize, hey so I'm really not that awesome, okay, but I can do something about that. I can do better than I have been doing and I can make this right. Hence the lyrics from Three Days Grace. So I still kind of feel like crap and that everything is awful, but I'm now really determined to make it better. Haha as I sit here writing instead of my homework, but I have gotten a lot done! So here begins another quest to be better. It sort of seems like I start this a lot, but even though I start this a lot, hopefully I'm not starting as low as last time or the time before that....Hopefully I'm building.

FanFreakinTastic

Don't you just love it when you have this problem situation and you talk it out with people, only to find that, oh ya, it's all your fault. Love things like that. They just really make you go all warm and fuzzy inside....or maybe that's the guilt that's eating away at you.....I can never really tell the difference. Oh ya, it is just the guilt that I'm causing more problems than I'm fixing and not living up to anything. Ya it's definitely more that than the warm and fuzzy....Awesome.

Pi and Robert Parker

So I've been reading this book called Life of Pi, about a boy who gets stuck on a life boat with a Bengal Tiger after his ship sinks. There are so many interesting parts of the book and all of them I could go on and on about and analyze to death. But for honest I can't remember them all right now and that would be tiring I think. So I'll just discuss the one that most interests me at this precise moment. At this point in the book Pi is on the boat, the auxiliary animals have died and it's just him and Robert Parker, the Bengal Tiger. He is discussing his will to live and he says that at this point he discovers he has a fierce will to live. Some people give up on life very easily, others fight and then give up after a while, and only a select few would fight with everything they have for their life. Here's what I'm pondering. How do you know which one you are? Unless you have an extreme experience, such as spending 7 months on a boat out at sea with a deadly 450 pound tiger, how do you know? And what do you think you are? I honestly couldn't tell you which category I fall into, but if I did, would it change the way that I live the life I have? Would it effect me so much that if I was a fighter I would not waste any time, or make the most of every relationship I have? How would it change you at your core to KNOW what you are. Granted it could already be decided which outlook we have, but would knowing effect us any different? If you were one who wouldn't fight at all, if you knew that maybe you would change you view and morph into a fighter. I hostnly don't know but it is interesting to think about.

Get to the heart of things

I was having a long discussion with my friend the other night and we just kept coming up with questions to ask eachother. It was pretty fun. For example, some of the questions were: What do you think your best physical quality is? What do you think your best personality trait is? Favorite flower? What song do you think best describes you (in a beat, tempo, words kind of way not the deeper meaning of the song)? Favorite cartoon as a little kid? What horrible traits are your children going to have to get back at you? What do you think my best personality trait is? (haha side note, I asked that one not because, hey tell me how awesome I am, but mostly because I am really really interested in what other people think of me) And my favorite but perhaps most deadly, biggest irrational fear? So if you feel so inclined please tell me your answers, and if you really want to know I'll tell you mine but I'm sure not everyone reading this doesn't want to know all that stuff about me. My point though was that that's the kind of information that you don't normally know or even ask but it's so fascinating to know that about people and it helps me make for a psychological profile about my friends.

A different side note but a more important one as it's racking stress up in my back; school. So I have a physics class that is SO incredibly interesting to me, but at the same time I feel a little like I'm drowning in it. I understand everything the teacher talks about in class. I understand his derivations and how we got to the formulas we have. But then he doesn't go over problems in class so I get home to my homework and have absolutely NO idea what is going on. I freaked out about this, almost unnecessarily but I blame this on cold mediction. I couldn't think at all, I couldn't create a rational plan to deal with anything, I had nothing. Abbey wasn't home so she missed this freak out but I was pacing, my heart was racing, I honestly was having a panic attack about not being able to do a stupid homework. So I went to bed. I was a little calmer in the morning and I tried a little more of the homework, but bottom line, only got 2 problems out of 5. But I felt a little better because no one else got any more than I did. Here's where most of my stress comes though. I hate turning in something like that to a teacher. It humiliates me that I wasn't able to get some simple electromagnetic physics problems. Or even anything else. I don't want to go to class because I don't want the teacher to see that I failed. That's stupid I know because the teachers are there to help and now he knows that none of us know what's going on, but still I feel personally humiliated. Well maybe one good thing about this weird reaction I have is that it totally drives me to do better at school. Right now I think I care more about my GPA then I ever have (Although it's really for a gay reason) but I am stressing myself about getting good grades and even though it annoys me I am going to be doing homework all the time.... Haha sorry for the randomness I just had to vent.

We all have issues.......right?

Today's philisophical topic -- emotional health. Every one has issues with self esteem and the fact that we make mistakes... But how do we keep those moments of self doubt from completely taking over our image of ourselves and those moments become days and years of not realizing how truly amazing you are. I was talking to a friend of mine the other day and she was telling me that she really wasn't happy with herself and she didn't know what to do about it. I tried so hard to try and say things to make her feel better, to help her know that she is amazing, I know she is. I even shared stories about myself when I didn't feel good about myself to try and tell her that you can get over it or it happens to every one but I think that just made it worse and made me look so incredibly bad. So incredibly bad. We will however forget about that and move on to my theory about the entire thing.

**Disclaimer: I am so not the poster child for good self esteem, BUT I have made tons of progress in the whole being happy with myself area. And this is just my personal opinion on approving of yourself.**

So here is my thing. There are always 'big' things that we take and run with that make us doubt ourselves. Here is my rememdy for that. Try and appreciate the little things. I think you should take the little compliments that people tell you, maybe just even in passing, and log them away for those times when you're sad. Those times when someone totally random tells you that you look cute that day, or even better, someone you totally adore tells you that you're gorgeous. Just remember all those little moments and how awesome they made you feel. Times like those make you feel, even for just a second, like 'hey, I'm a little bit awesome.' Haha remember those moments and most of all believe people when they say things like that. I know that some days are just not good self image days, I understand that, but those feelings aren't reflected in how you look to other people. Although if you feel awesome, or even a little bit good about yourself, it shows.

Other than that, I have no idea how to feel good about yourself. I suppose finding something that you truly love about yourself, and love it even more. Also find something that you absolutely love to do...no matter what other people think about you...and do it. It makes you happy and you should always do it. (Unless it is illegal, immoral....all the usual stuff :) But I really don't know if those things would even help other people....how can I help when this has to come from inside? I just don't know...

I don't want to step on anyone's beliefs here....

Well...here we go.

HAHAHAHA I L.O.V.E. Brian Regan and I'm so glad that he has come out with a new DVD. His piece on Saturday was priceless! The part I just quoted was when he's bashing (quite well) on psychics who 'talk with the dead'. It was awesome.

Second favorite part: when he's discussing Pluto's planet status and some guy from the crowd just yells "The big yellow one is the Sun!!" Haha it was awesome because he goes, thanks for that, we're doing a tv special right now haha. I can't wait to watch it again.

In other news: Football is back!! And I'm going to get my trashed kicked by my loving father. Ha, my fantasy team is maybe phenomenal but this week it wasn't arranged correctly, as evidenced by the fact that my bench has more points that my team and I didn't even score that low. But I'll do better next week. In the mean time my dad is going to have a one up on me. Unless of course Adrian Peterson scores some major touchdowns tomorrow night, which we all know is possible! I'm also glad that Brett Favre won on his first game as a Jet after the Packers let him go thinking him outdated. I love the guy, he carried my fantasy team last year and I love it. All I can say I hope this season is good (Tom Brady isn't too hurt so he can trash everyone else...) and my team doesn't go from fantasy to fantnasty!!

You are what you eat....or whatever.

So here's a confession. And I don't make these very often, haha. Costco sells these four cheese tortellini, in huge packages right because it's Costco. Well it comes in two parts and I think there is 6 servings in one part. Great for the whole family I promise. Well I can eat an entire package all by myself. I love these dang things. I could eat them all day and I don't get full of them. So that's my fat girl confession haha I can eat tortellini ALL THE LIVELONG DAY.

I'm sitting here with my niece this morning, watching Oy Ory. It's fascinating. I love babysitting because I get to watch cartoons and movies with her all the time. I forgot how funny this movie was.. Watching Buzz Lightyear drive the car is genuinely awesome. And I love how the characters all personify the actors that are giving them voices. You can totally tell Tom Hanks' personality and Tim Allen is flippin hilarious. And there are good one liners but I can never really remember those afterward...haha I have a bad memory for things like this because I get distracted by everything else that is going on.

Speaking of one-liners, Saturday is the day! Brian Regan comes out with a new DVD and act and I can't wait to see it!! I was talking to my friend Kara about it yesterday and we submit that it cannot get any better than this! We were also talking about her class about the US Presidency and how the election is going to factor ito her teaching. I wish that I could be in her class so that I could talk about it with her and the kids in her class. This one is shaping up to be really interesting! Not going to get into it right now though...haha I don't have enough info for my comfort level. But I will by the time I go home for my dad's birthday haha so that I can talk to him about it.

Well I guess that's enough topics for one post...I have to go back to school now. YAY!! Haha

Also...

I would like to submit that water polo has to be THE most difficult sport ever. I would drown...

Costco Excitement

Yesterday after I said good-bye to my best friend in the world I went with my mom to Costco. I love going to Costco. I looked at the books and movies but restrained myself from buying any...haha. But what I really went there to buy was a new backpack. I get bored with my backpacks and as a result get a new one at least every year sometimes more often. The only exception was the backpack I had for two whole school years. It was white courderoy may it rest in peace because the last week of school last year it broke and all my stuff fell out. So even more reason to not keep a backpack that long and feed my school supply addiction. But this new backpack is sooo pretty, it's brown plaid and sturdy and has a lot of pockets. It's a dream. I scoped it out 4 or 5 times at costco before I actually bought it. It was a long process but I'm happy with my $15 purchase. Big spender I know.

The other thing I bought that makes me even more happy is a 'teach yourself Italian' computer program. I decided to do this because I don't have time to take a 4 credit class that would teach me Italian, or the French I'm going to add to it. So I got myself a program and I'm taking my destiny into my own hands. I decided to do Italian first because I'm going to Italy next year after I graduate. Of course if you ask my father he will deny this saying that I have to actually graduate first. He's just in denial. It's statistically almost impossible for me to not graduate so...I'm going to Italy next year. So learning a little bit of Italian I thought would be valuable. I'm not going to know enough to really talk to people but maybe I can know enough to understand and maybe help myself out a little bit. Ha actually just last night I was talking about this to my dad and he pulled a scenario that would make me not graduate: my boyfriend could get me hooked on drugs and I wouldn't care about school. Haha possible I said but highly improbably. The boyfriend part or the drug part he asked?? Haha both. But bottom line, I'm learning Italian and that makes me happy. Then maybe next year I'll buy the French program and teach myself some French.

Day Dreamin

So this is just going to be a quick note but I'm a little confused. So I've been having some weird dreams lately. I mean they're amazing dreams, the kind you love everything about so you don't want them to stop, but they're just strange. I hadn't been thinking about the situations, although I guess they are always in the back of my mind, and they just caught me really off guard that I was having them. It's crazy both dreams I had, I had in the state of mind where you know you're dreaming and you can objectively think about the dream at the same time you're having them, so I got to analyze my dreams while I was having them and not wanting them to end. But I just don't know what they meant, if anything at all. Is this just wish fulfillment? Like a true dream this is just what I would love to happen if my dreams came true, or just a random neuron firing taking over my imagination...? I just don't know. Haha I hope that I'm psychic and this means that this will be my future. Haha but probably not.... But dreams have been on my mind none the less.

A Word

First a word about me. I love reading, especially during the summer because I can't concentrate on it during school. I was trying to remember all the books I've read since school ended and my count is up to 10...not including the books I can't remember (obviously) and the ones I'm currently reading. Unfortunately I've bought about 10 more books that are on my list to read. So along this line I just finished reading Eat Pray Love, which is my new favorite book. It's about a year in a woman's life so of course there are things that I didn't agree with but overall it is an incredibly enlightening book about all three of those things. But what I'm interested in at the moment is in the Eat section which takes place in Italy.

Side note: also after reading this book I am SOOO excited to go to Italy next summer I can hardly stand it and I'm going to also teach myself Italian.

But back to the point. While in Italy Liz (the writer) is talking to a man from Italy and he's telling her that each city has a word. One word that completely and totally descibes the city. Rome's word is Sex, Naples' word if Fight. Then he asks Liz, what is her word? This got me thinking, what is my word? One word that describes what I'm about and all I strive to do... Honestly I had no blinking clue as to anything that could completely describe me. How can one small word tell you anything about me? I understand how it can tell you one part of me but I kind of feel like I would be extremely boring if just one word could tell you all you need to know about me. I like to think I'm more multi-faceted than that. But then maybe I could pick a really fantastic word with a TON of letters so it says more.... Really I was just thinking all these weird thoughts because I had no idea what kind of word I would even start to pick for myself.

So after much thought and tribulation and conversation, I've come up with two options for my word. Well my word for right now in my life that I think is good enough to describe me! One of my choices is Learn. I love to learn anything about everything and anything and it's always been my ambition to learn something about absolutely everything. My second choice is Devour. And here's why; I have recently been discussing my reading with my Lauren. I said that the rate at which I devour different genre-d books actually kind of amazes me. But then I started thinking about the word devour, and not in a creepy way either, just in a verb kind of a way. I have this thing where when I'm terrified of something I just have to do it anyway, but the way in which I go about doing those things, or even anything else is sort of devouring them. I try to get through them, take all I can from them, and then move on to something new.

So those are the two things I think I boil down too. I myself and leaning towards Devour but I don't know. Maybe it will constantly be changing but I don't know if that's a good thing or not! Maybe you can tell me.

Moral Dilemmas

Mmm we all love a good dilemma don't we? Here's today's: Would you kill someone? Would you have someone kill for you? Would you torture someone? Would you pay someone a lot of money for information, even if you knew that money was going to finance awful things? Where is your line, and when is the situation right to say yes to these things? The way these questions are phrased you are the Pres and you're talking to me the operative.

The name of the game is this: You are the President of the United States, and you are giving instructions to a CIA operative. The instructions can be either yes or not yes. No in between, yes or no, do it or not. I'll put my vote into parenthesis just so you know how I score in this test. There isn't really a 'right' answer and that's what makes this hard.

Question 1 - Would you have me as a CIA operative associate with terrorists so that I can gain information that could save American lives? (Yup)

Question 2 - Terrorists aren't going to give me this information for free, can I use a lot of the governments money to pay this terrorist for information if he's going to use the money to get his family out of the terrorist ring? (Yes)

Question 3 - What if I don't know how the terrorist is going to use the money? (Yes)

Question 4 - What if the terrorist is going to use the money to finance an attack on an adversarial nation to us, say Iran? (Yes)

Question 5 - What if the terrorist is going to use the money to finance an attack on an allied country? (Not Yes)

A couple definitions. Assassination - a CIA operative killing someone. Act of War - a soldier killing someone.

Question 6 - Let's say pre 9/11 an agent has eyes on Osama bin Laden (who attacked the USS Cole) and he's in one of 5 tents. Would you as the President send a cruise missile and take him out? Remember at this time 1% of America knows who bin Laden even is, this would be an act of war. (Yes)

Question 7 - Still pre 9/11 same scenario but the other four tents are filled with the royal family of an oil rich country who we are allied with? (Not Yes - a real situation)

Question 8 - Same scenario as question 7, but post 9/11? (Yes)

Question 9 - Can I torture someone for information that could lead to American lives saved? (Yes)

Question 10 - We have a prisoner in custody who has been taking flight lessons, but he's not so concerned with landing the plane. Pres gives the order to have him tortured to find out his plans. An operative, the only one who can translate Arabic in the room, says he cannot participate in the torture and leaves. He is tortured and his video will take 24 hours to have translated by someone else. 18 hours later 4 planes crash into the twin towers, the pentagon, and the ground, killing 3000 people. When the video is translated you find the prisoner gave every detail of the attacks. Should the operative be prosecuted as dereliction of duty? (Yes - also a real situation)

My answers seem straightforward but trust me they weren't and there were many discussions on what would be the best. But this conversation is best debated and not dictatorialized so I will stop here and just let you think about it. Interesting questions though and something else to consider when you are electing a president. Can he make these decisions? One woman I encountered said Not Yes to every single one of these questions (except torture, she said that was okay as long as we weren't doing in the United States, so dang hypocritical if you ask me), and my friend and I decided it would be awful if she ever became Pres because we would all die.

It's the thought that counts

Today's thought was thought about 5 days ago but I kept forgetting the thought so it wasn't thought out at the right time so I could blog about my thought but now I've remembered the thought at the right time so I can write it down! Yay me!

Haha okay so here's the thing. I love starbucks! I get starbucks almost every morning and I don't know how I'm going to live without it when I go back to school. I adore the smell of the place and could be in there for hours just watching the people and listening to the (insert nerd term here) baristas be not so smart with eachother. It's awesome. I know their computer thing better then they do since I always have to explain where they need to ring me up when I order what I always get. My thought though is about their water. Ethos. So the stuff is $3 a bottle right, but you feel good about buying it because they donate to places so they can have all the clean water they need. YAY good cause!! But then we read the fine print..... for every bottle of water you buy, we donate a grand total of $0.05!!! Now doesn't that just warm your heart?!?!? I thought it might. So ya, bottles of water probably now cost about 50 cents at most to produce, and we're donating 5 cents from an already costly bottle of water. Just consider the irony.

Is it just the thought that counts?

Lacking Information

So I can't think of anything else to write about...and the thing I want to write about I haven't thought through enough. It's all about my generation and what we are like. But so far the article I'm reading I've only read a third of it and it's upset so I need to finish it first and then formulate my thoughts. But wait with bated breath because it's going to be good! We're going to save the world but the way we're described is incredibly wrong from my point of view. But more on that when I finish.

One thought for today: Happy Birthday Abbey!! And K is cute when she says my name.

Here however is a different thought that is shorter and less cognitively intensive then the one I'm trying to sort out. So McCain doesn't know how to use 'a google'. How impressive is that. Not only does the man not know how to use google he doesn't even know what it is. I wonder how incredibly mixed up he would be if we threw the wikipedia concept at him. Now I don't think this will effect the man's ability to be a presidential candidate but still you have to admit that's incredibly weird if not pathetic. How does someone not know anything about it? But at least the man is doing things unscripted so you know he's an actual person as opposed to Obama who won't talk at all without scripting.

Walkin down memory lane

So I stole this from Abbey, it quite fantastic actually. I love to think about memories and the fun times when I was laughing incredibly hard. I would LOVE it if you would all play!

Here are the directions:
1. As a comment on my blog, leave one (I would actually love many more than one) memory that you and I had together. It doesn't matter if you knew me a little or a lot, anything you remember!
2. Next, re-post these instructions on your blog and see how many people leave a memory about you. It's actually pretty funny to see the responses.

Love lives on

Okay today's story comes actually from an advertisement that half way creeps me out and half way is really kind of sweet.

Diamonds represent love, marriage, eternity, and they of course last forever. That's their alure. Well partly, they also sparkle quite nicely, and are a girl's best friend. Of course I may be somewhat bias as first I am a girl, and second it is my birthstone so I have always had an affinity for them. But let's focus on diamonds being a symbol of love. A miraculous quote from this advertisement defines love in a way I haven't really thought about before. "Love. Life’s single greatest risk. Life’s single greatest reward. Love captures your heart in a second and holds it for eternity." What a beautiful way to put it right? Explains that it can totally rip you apart and leave you with nothing, but if it works out it will stay with you for eternity.

Well now there is an additional way to remember the love that you had for someone who has died. Now you can have a certified diamond made out of the carbon of a loved one. Creepy right? Ya incredibly creeptastic. But wouldn't it be interesting if you could have something like that to remember someone by. They can make all the different colored diamonds (just a question of adding different impuritites to the carbon), they're still the qualified hardness, brilliance, everything that all normal diamonds are rated by. Although if you think about it there would be no reason why they would be any different. Carbon is carbon and carbon is what makes diamonds. The only difference would by your mindset when you look down at your pretty hand with a gorgeous ring on it and you think wow what a beautiful reminder of the person I love, or, whoa, still kinda weird that that diamond is actually my mom or whatever. I don't know how I would feel about it actually but it is an interesting method that completely changes how you would think about your loved one.

Another question and something to think about is would it make a difference to you if you used a guy someone that you love as opposed to a girl someone that you love. And let's be honest that only a girl is going to do this. What guy is going to make a diamond out of someone that he loves? First he probably isn't going to wear it and second who is he going to give it to? So a girl is going to buy it. But would you make one out of your mom and not your dad, or the other way around, or would there be no gender discrimination? I myself would feel weird making a diamond out of a guy because I know they would feel weird being one. I don't know maybe this situation is just so weird that I can't handle it. A good memory definitely but how about the other person? Ya maybe just too weird....

An interesting idea to be sure. Maybe I would look into it because I do love diamonds. Well I guess it would depend on how big of a diamond I could get out of the person. (0:

On another note, sound off on whether I should run a 5k or a 10k on August 3rd...?

Ice -- Polar Bears -- Kidney Stones (the logical progression)

Well I searched pretty far to find a candidate for today's thought. Found some interesting ones too but then I saw this and it took the cake. It happens to be about one of my favorite topics -- Global Warming.

"Scientists" (I use this term ridiculously loosely) have now discovered that global warming is causing more kidney stones than ever!! Hoover Dam what are we going to do now? First the sun is just melting the ice and hurting some furry incredibly vicious animals, but NOW it's coming after us!! Can we dramatize this situation enough? I don't think so!! You know those moments when you're sitting by yourself reading something or just thinking about something random and you start laughing out loud like a lunatic? Ya, just had one of those.

Here's the basis for the study: kidney stones are most often caused by dehydration which causes salt to glob together inside your kidney and crystalize. Not fun. Kidney stone cases have been becoming more frequent every year since 1976. Global warming means it's getting hotter so that's causing people to be dehydrated more, thus causing more kidney stones. Brilliant logic if I do say so myself! Oh......but wait guys.....what about all the other factors in the universe that affect us? Shucks we forgot about those....too bad we didn't take them into account. Oh well, let's publish the findings anyway and call ourselves heroes for finding yet another way global warming is ruining our lives.

Here's my theory as a scientist. I call myself a scientist even though I'm only 21 with only some formal training is the area of deductive reasoning but I figure if they can call themselves scientists so can I! (once again scientist is used loosely) Hmm so the kidney stone numbers have been on the rise since '76 huh....okay....well didn't the baby boomer generation start getting old then?? Hmm maybe more people all around caused more kidney stone cases which constitutes a rise. We could be onto something there. Hmm maybe that isn't enough though, we need something else...Oh I know! Hasn't the American population been getting steadily more obese since, oh I don't know, the 70's? Hasn't one of the major causes that studies point to for obesity been the obsession with drinking more and more soda instead of water (as I sit here drinking my soda might I add)? Isn't soda also a diuretic which causes dehydration? Hmm, I'm starting to see a trend. The afore mentioned study also says that more people get kidney stones in the hotter southern states than in the northern states. Aren't there more old people in the hotter southern states? And dehydration is a ridiculously common ailment in hotter areas, it's sort of because they're hot and people don't drink enough water. So according to my extensive studies of my brain and the commen sense areas of my brain, I see no supporting evidence for global warming to be causing more kidney stones. But I'm no scientist.

Here though is my favorite part of the article: a quote from a nephrologist (a doctor who deals with the kidneys, and ya I looked that up) who didn't participate in the study, he's just commenting. "Everyone in warmer temperatures is at higher risk for kidney stones, so the findings make perfect sense, What's so impressive about this study is how they've brought together models of warming and kidney stones for the first time." Oh can we get a round of applause for this man? I think he needs one! I also think it's impressive that they've brought together the models of warming and kidney stones for the first time but probably for a very different reason that Dr. Goldfarb here. At the end of the article they also give fun tips for avoiding kidney stones, (although why they're trying I don't know because global warming will get us all in the end!) first, is to drink more water, second, is to stay cool. Oh I think a second round of applause is in order. But most important they stress the drinking water because as Dr. Goldfarb aptly points out, "Not everyone can stay inside." Oh thank you doctor for those words of wisdom, we will forever be in your debt.

I end with this advice -- kids, don't do drugs. And watch out for global warming, it got the polar bears first but now it's coming after us, keep a sharp eye out and don't wander into dark alleyways.

Turning a new leaf

So I was trying to find something to do to keep me from sinking into depression and here is what I decided I would do. I'm going to investigate the web or whatever every day and write about it. I decided I'd do this because first I love to learn new things and second I love to write. I love to make the words flow together and especially I love to express ideas and try to instill in others the passion I may have for a subject. I've always been a writing person, I used to write stories for school all the time, my journal, random letters, quotes in my planner, notes, everything. So now this is how I'm going to keep myself sane.

Today's subject: names. Interesting tidbit - there are now professionals who rate how good your name is. Haha a whole charade of these people have been called out en masse to evaluate the names of Angelina and Brad's new twins; Knox Leon and Marchelina something or other. Basically their names didn't do very well, b minus' or c basically. But this got me thinking about my name. I don't have anyone to rate it so I'm just focusing on what it means.

First name: Heidi. German derivative of Adelheid, which is a German and Dutch form of Adelaide. Adel meaning noble and Heid meaning kind. So basically noble and kind. It became popular in the US from the movie Heidi, big surprise here haha. It also comes from the French form of the Germanic name Adalheidis. So it's basically all German...all roads lead there. It also means noble and kind in Old English. So ha that's what the first name is.

Middle name: Alyssa. Now listen close because this is all new information. Alyssa comes from Alicia, then Alice. Tracing Alice back we get that it is a short form of Alis, which is short for Adelais, which is short for, drum roll....Adalheidis. It's Old English meaning is....noble and kind.

So what did I learn about myself?! Basically I'm noble and kind. Or am supposed to be. And even more interestingly both my names come from the same Germanic name. They're the same! That must be why they flow so well together, at least in my opinion. If I were to rate my name I would give it a solid A for flowing, a good acronym (HAZ), and a good meaning.

Here's the thing, do we exemplify our name or does our name exemplify us? Am I really doubly noble and kind or just should I be because that's what I was named? What makes a name mean something? How much should you let something like this define you? I suppose it isn't too bad to let this define you though. I mean I haven't seen a name mean something bad so why shouldn't I try to be always noble and kind, although that sounds a tad boring, still good though. Just some things to think about when you're wondering what defines you and what you define.

Sink About It

Well it's been a long time since I've blogged mostly because I haven't really had anything truly interesting to talk about (and my job has been slowing sucking my soul out), and maybe this won't be interesting at all anyway but it has nonetheless captured my attention. And it's crazy because once I got started on this I started seeing in so many different contexts and situations. So the three contexts that I am choosing to discuss today are in family life, politically, and religiously. Sounds dangerous already I know. So the thing that is really bothering me is how people are biased, but they're biased in the worst way. They are biased simply because they don't think things out, they don't decide things for themselves and they believe what they're told without (insert engineering term here) critically thinking about it. The only hard thing to decide is which to start with because I'm fairly equally passionate about all three. Dilemma.....hmm I'll pick out of a hat.

First Politics (order courtesy of Lauren). Have you ever noticed that some people have one opinion when you're talking to them strictly about the issue and not coloring it with McCain's position is this and Obama's position is that. Then they have a completely opposite position when they're discussing their support for their candidate. It's like they get so caught up in the eloquence that Obama possesses or the nice suit that John is wearing that they get lost in the words and, forgive the blasphemy, fall in love with how someone looks or talks. They don't stop to think, okay what is this person saying, is this the same thing he said last week? Now don't get me wrong I'm not endorsing either candidate, to be honest I don't really like either of them. And I'm also not supporting any "party", because both do it and there are stupid people on both sides of the fence. I'm also not just talking about this in the context of 'party lines' or just to do with elections and debates. It also has to do with our entire view of the world politically. Glenn Beck (seriously the more I read of this guy the more I am in awe) just did an article about things America does right and I completely agree and am floored that it plays right into my mindset of the week. So so often we get caught up in all the 'woe is me' things that are happening. Ya gas prices suck, ya some stupid high school students who can't count change without a calculator didn't get a job this summer, the world is going to hell. Seriously people why are we being so pessimistic? A friend of mine just wrote a thing about how bad Africa sucks right now. Ya there's civil war there and unfortunately people are dying. That really breaks my heart. It's awful that people don't have enough to eat, nowhere to live, and all they have is a gun to terrorize people with. But honestly, let's think about this, Africa has been a war zone since cavemen moved in there in the first place. This is not the first time this has happened people now just 'care' because they can see it on their tvs. Now that they see it they have the AUDACITY to say that WE have failed because this is happening right now. (just to lighten the mood I feel the need to be like Dwight and yell "right now this is happening!" and run out the door waving my arms ;) Why is everything in the world our own fault? Granted we are the most prosperous nation in the world no doubt and with greater abundance comes greater responsibility, but come on, does that mean we have to do everything? And if everything isn't patched up perfectly we are hypocritical and failing? In Glenn Beck's article one thing he mentions is we as a nation give the most out of the world to charity. Granted we are the most rich, but even taking into account that, we give 1000 times more than our closest competitor France. How can these idiots say that we aren't doing anything? Now I love my friend to death but I had to restrain myself from yelling at him. I just think that people need to, one, think a little bit more before they spew out pompous remarks that make them sound humanitarian and special if they haven't really done all the research. And second, people listening to people afore mentioned need to take the time to step back and ask, what is this person really truly saying, and is it at all able to be backed up.

Ah whew my heart rate could be at aerobic exercising range. Ha this passion is getting me worked up, I need to remind myself to calm down.

Religion. A friend and I were talking on Sunday about how incredibly shortsighted people can be when it comes to their religion and values. (BTW names have been left out on purpose...) First a disclaimer, I realize that people's values are at their core. They need to be and they are what define us in the easy times and the really tough times. I am also not applying this to only people of one religion, I include all religions in this hypocrisy but also that all people of that religion are not the same. It's only the really awful ones that usually give a name to a religion and that saddens me more than I could ever express. All Muslim people are not terrorists, all Baptist people aren't totally intolerant, and all Mormon people are not arrogant and haughty. Okay so your values are what make you a person, they're what define how you act and what you think. My issue is, what value is ingrained in your soul that makes you believe that your values are, not only more important that other peoples, but that you should also make it known that they are more important and try and put another down for not having the exact same beliefs as you? How can you not see any good in any other situation just because it's not the way you would do it? I feel the need for an example and since I'm Mormon I'll use a Mormon one since it's safest. A Mormon woman was recently put into a situation where she was in a gay home where the men had adopted a baby (and on national television but that's a different rant). Their rational was that their home was better than any foster home and the baby would be SO loved and cared for. This woman thought the baby was almost better off dead. Now look, I'm not gay, I don't think it's right, but I can't deny they will love that baby. And foster care almost never works out well (just look at degenerate statistics). Isn't this better than nothing at all? Also what about parents who are a mom and a dad but fight all the time...that child isn't raised in a good home. Or single parents... are we going to knock on all of them? We can't exclude them just because they're heterosexual! Shouldn't the foremost goal of parenting be to love and care for your child? Just because someone doesn't believe the same way you do, RESPECT their right to believe it!! There is good in all things, and wouldn't you want that same respect when someone thinks that you're a crappy mother because you make your child go to church every Sunday? The Golden Rule people, treat others as you want to be treated. Jesus didn't talk to the good Jewish high and mighty people, he talked to the lepers and the adulterers and the Samaritans. Study the text you claim to lay all your beliefs in.

Okay last family dynamic. I took a little break so maybe I'm not so worked up. Parent's always want to teach their children to be good people (well if they're good parents). They want to teach them how to succeed in life and to have good values and be upstanding people who will actually contribute to society. Again this statement applies across all religions, ethnicities, everything. My blanket statements here target stupid people in all areas not one 'group' of people. Here's where my problem with parenting and guardianship and mentorship comes in. It can be explained succinctly in a statement made by a teacher I had senior year of high school who taught me the United State Constitution and Politics. The very first day of class he came in and was talking to us about all we would be learning about: party lobbying, bills, pork, how the justice and lawmaking system works, etc. Basically a lot of things that can be potentially argumentative. But how he qualified things to us was this: "I am going to teach you HOW to think not WHAT to think." This distinction is so incredibly important to make especially if you're take a child who is a blank slate, who absorbs everything you say and everything they see you do and bases their life on it. We all act how we do to a certain extent because our parents taught or didn't teach us to be that way. There is no way to avoid this and no way to deny it. Because it is like this, you as a parent have an amazing terrifying responsibility. And you sure as H*** better think about the consequences of the good and bad things you teach them. Are you going to teach your child that you are always right and they need to follow blindly those who are in authority? Granted I totally understand the need for the "because I said so" moments. But I'm not talking about doing your chores and cleaning your room. I'm talking about bigger moments, the kind that facilitate things like thinking outside the box in the workplace or deciding what values are most important to you and what you believe at your core. It's the people who think outside the box who make millions by coming up with innovations. But aside from that, if you teach your kids to be able to think for themselves and analyze situations around them, then they can LEARN. They can take situations that maybe are awful like parents divorcing or catastrophies at school and adapt themselves so that they don't fall prey to the same situations and mistakes. One example of this is teen pregnancy, my friend from work and I were discussing how it is such a viscious cycle because how do you explain to your child that they don't have a father because you were too young and that teen pregnancy is such an awful thing, but still it's good because you have your child? How does that logic make sense to a child you always thinks literally? Now I'm not saying this always happens but it makes things so much harder if you don't teach your child to learn from others' mistakes. John Bytheway once quoted a parable that said "a wise man learns from his own mistakes, a superwise man learns from the mistakes of others." Don't we want to be superwise? I'm not only talking about mistakes, I'm also talking about the ability that a person has to solve their own problems if they can think for themselves. They don't have to be dependent on other people to tell them what's the best answer, they can deduce it for themselves. That kind of independence is amazing and exhillirating if you have it. Whenever I ask my dad a question, no matter if it's about electronics, the car, the weather, whatever, his response always begins with "well let's think about this." My father all my life has been teaching me how to learn things. Now I don't like to talk about my ability at school, it makes me nervous, but school has always been easy for me and it may be because I'm a technical genius, or a better reason for my ego and my logic is that I've been taught how to think problems through in order to solve them. My sisters are the same way, they can think things through and they don't have the same ease with school that I have had. (not trying to brag, really, but they're better at some things than me and I'm better at school.)

I guess the point of this whole long verbal oration was to express my distaste with people who don't think. We have such an amazing mind and supposedly we only use 8% or so percent of its capabilities - 5% of which goes to bodily function like breathing, pumping blood etc. Some people may not even use that much of their brain. Why should we waste what we have by being lemmings and following those who are loudest or sound the best?

Gymming it up

Today the thoughts of Heidi center around the gym. Well not just today I guess but that past week. I went to the gym for the first time in a too ridiculously long time on Monday and I thought about the experience afterwards.

*As a side note, if you haven't guessed I really have nothing to do while at work. Today I should be researching grad schools but I'm a little on information overload in that area and am trying to work it out in my head first. So today was spent internet shopping and commenting on my book club book. Haha and now that that's explained...*

Okay so the gym: I realized that what I love about going to the gym and working out is not that I get more in shape or tone down, although those are definite benefits! It's really that just the act of doing something makes me feel amazing. I think that as a girl I go on cycles about how I feel about myself, some days are just crappy days and I don't think I look good. And other days I feel awesome (usually after one of my boys tells me I look good but beside the point). But my cycle starts to really spiral downwards if I haven't been doing anything for a while, anything like going to the gym or playing soccer or even walking with the sis'. When I feel bad about how I'm looking, or even just feeling like I'm not looking good, then I get really down and everything seems to get worse. And going to the gym just changes that all around. In one small hour I can go from being annoyed that my back hurts so stinking bad and my shirt doesn't accentuate the right part of, to thinking that I don't care about my back because I'll forget about it soon and the shirt doesn't look that bad. Showering after I've sweated just feels so fulfilling, like the cold water just takes away my bad mood with the soap. Plus even if your excercising doesn't help you lose weight, it has so many amazing benefits! Like petting a dog lowers your blood pressure, just walking and getting your heart rate up helps your body from the inside. I also think that just the act of getting your a** into the gym takes a lot, and you can be proud that you did something. You may not see the results right away but at least you can say you did something with your day.

If I'm having a bad day I buy jelly beans. It's just what I do at school. I go to target and buy jelly belly's, because I'm addicted. I know that I do this and it happens everytime. But when I work out instead it helps so much because I'm not being destructive to myself anymore or making my image of myself worse. I know people who are even more destructive with their habits and I wish I could help them, but the other thing I realized is that your image of yourself, not just your body, but your entire life, has to come from the inside. And if you don't like what you see, it doesn't matter if other people give you advice or tell you different, your opinion is the one you listen to. So you have to kick yourself into gear and change your own life, you can't wait for someone to come along and tell you you're pretty (although it helps ;). And it does no good to complain about your life when you're not doing anything to change it.

Haha I guess that was my soapbox for the day. I didn't expect to go on like that. But I do feel that everyone has bad days and you have to use those bad days to make things better, otherwise things just keep getting worse.

Cali Trip: Act III - San Fran

In this act the cast explores Concord, Berkeley, Walnut Creek, Oakland, San Francisco, and the Muir Woods. All in the space of two days.

So this was the last leg of our trip before our 15 hour car trip home. We stayed with Cory's grandparents in Concord which is really pretty. It reminds me of San Diego where my aunt used to live. So we got there and the night that we got there we went to a play called Musical! And it's sort of a parody of all the great screen writers, like Rogers and Hammerstein and Andrew Loyd Webber, but in their parody they're actually honoring them. It was good and really made me want to see all those plays. I love Broadway and LOVE the music. I decided that I'm going to get the music that I'm missing so I can listen to it more often.

The next day we went to the Oakland temple to pick up the grandparents then we drove into San Francisco by way of the Bay Bridge. First of all, Cory's grandfather, I love him because he's constantly talking and telling stories. So we're beginning to go across the bridge and he says, the just fixed one of these spans because it just collapsed during the last earthquake. Okay I'm secretly (or not so secretly) terrified of bridges. I don't know why but they just scare me. So this was THE wrong time to be saying this to me.... I was thinking, oh my gosh, we're going to die, these things are not stable and we'll just go down into the bay. Crap. But we made it across...whew. Then we went to Pier 39 and wandered around the shops and saw the sea lions and Alcatraz. Found out that there are sharks in the bay haha, that was a fun fact. Then we were going up and down the streets, literally. I didn't realize just how steep those streets are, it's insane. I would not have a standard there! We saw the trolleys going all over the place and we even got to drive down Lombard Street; the crookedest street in America! That was a trip, and people actually live off the street, it would be so annoying to me to have to drive down that street every day! Then we went shopping at Macy's, get this, just the women's store, is 7 stories high! It was the biggest deparment store I've ever seen.

The next day we took a little day trip to the other side of the bay, across from the Golden Gate, although we didn't get to drive over it. On the way to the Muir woods we saw San Quinton, which I have to say is a massive and scary looking prison. We were going to the Muir Woods to see the huge redwood trees. These are not the incredibly massive ones that you can supposedly drive your car through, they are still huge. This forest was so pretty looking and it was crazy because the trees have a damping effect, so even though there were tons of people there it was still so quiet. It was one of the prettiest places I've ever seen. I felt like an ant walking around in the trees. And the dear that were there so didn't care about us, they were just munchin away on grass. And there were like thousands of ladybugs flying around! It was so insane, they were all over the place. There's one picture where it looks like I have a sock puppet on my hand but really I was just examining the huge ladybugs that kept landing on me. And everything was bigger there. The clovers were as big as my palm it was crazy. Then after that we drove down to a beach by the Pacific. I nearly upchuckied my cheese because the road was so windy right along the cliffs of the coast but the beach was really pretty. It always amazes me to look out on the ocean and just see water....

So that was our trip, there was lots of shopping thrown in there but those are the highlights!

Jokes for the trip:

• Geez if we were going 97 we'd be there by now!! (haha speeding....)
• Oh it's closed because someone got their arm cut off. (true story)
• Maybe they like that here, it is California.
• Oh my gosh I've never heard this song!?!?!?! (What You Got - Colby O'Donis)

Cali Trip: Act II - Tahoan

In this act we are in Tahoe California, Trukee, and Kings Beach.

This is the part of our trip where we spent the longest amount of time. 7 days to be exact. You might notice the disparity of number of pictures compared to any other act of our trip. Well there's good reason for this. First, we didn't do much, we relaxed!! Second, neither one of us did our hair the entire time or ever really got in real clothes, we lounged in pajamas. Haha it was glorious. Cory's mom was with us for about half the week so we sat and watched Veronica Mars season DVDs and an Aussie soap that Cory now has me addicted too.... We also played dominoes and Gin Rummy and read magazines and books and slept late and walked. Oh all the things you love to do when you relax. We actually only went to the beach one day out of 7 because it was kind of cold, and windy. And I don't do wind. I think it is an unnecessary weather pattern. Actually no because it's probably the most useful but really it bothers me. I don't enjoy it at all. But anyway, back to relaxing....oh wait that's all there was. We made some excursions into Trukee which was a fun small town. We shopped a little there had an amazing sugar cookie. At least I think it was amazing....Kelly ate most of it before I could get to it. Haha.

This act was fun because we just sat around talking and laughing and having fun. Making fun of characters on the shows, debating story lines and other such fun things as this. It was a little tense when I beat Kelly at dominoes, but the rematch was bad luck bears for Heidi so she was happy again after that :). I must also say that I freakin loved being cold. It was Paradise for me being able to be in sweats and a hoodie under a blanket on the couch watching tv. Paradise.

Thus ends Act II of Cali Trip. After a short intermission the cast will return for their final Act. Feel free to enjoy snacks or other delectables you may have brought with you.

Cali Trip: Act I - Disneyness

The beginning of the end. It was a cold dark night when we arrived... Haha just kidding, really it's just the beginning of my trip. We'll go step by step through this so it's not one giant long post with 4000 pictures....

Okay so this the beginning of our trip, the Disney portion of our adventure. So we were in Anaheim for three days. I wish I could show you the hotel we stayed in. It was the California Grand Hotel located right almost inside California adventure. From the first two pics you can see how close we were and the view we could get of some of the rides. So our first day we spent at California Adventure which houses such rides as Tower of Terror, California Screamin' (the roller coaster with mickey's ears), and Soarin' Over California. We rode Tower 3 times throughout the day, it got better each time and I got more nervous each time. Possibly because I knew what was coming. Although the first time totally caught me OFF guard because it's set up differently than the one in Florida so I wasn't expecting the switch up. We rode California Screamin' twice, it's an awesome roller coaster that goes around Mickey's ears and up and down. It's one of those ones that starts you off with jet propulsion which I think makes it better because the creaking up hills really stresses me out because I can't stop thinking about all the forces and how much stress must be in it. Haha lame I know. Soarin' Over California is this cool ride that is like a 3d ride because you're sitting in a chair and they lift you up so your feet are dangling then you're in front of a huge screen and they turn you and have air blowing in your face so you feel like you're flying. And the pictures were cool, all the different parts of Cali. We were a little sad that we didn't get to ride the ferris wheel, it has gondolas that move, they go around a track so it's like a ride ferris wheel. But they stopped it right before we got on... We also were delayed in riding a crazy town ride that is about Goofy and his roadtrips. But what's significant about it being delayed is that we walked past and it wasn't open so Kelly (Cory's mom) went to ask why not. She comes back and says "It's closed for a while because someone got their arm cut off in the ride." I think my reaction was "Oh my gosh are you serious?" And these other people eavesdropping like gasped, and then Kelly goes "No of course not, they wouldn't tell me that." Haha funniest thing ever also because of the foreign people listening in to our convo. Oh it made me laugh the entire time we were there. So that was CA Adventure, so much fun!

The next day was Disney itself where the old school rides are like Splash Mountain, Space Mountain, Indy, Haunted Mansion, Pirates, and stuff like that. They were all so much fun. It was fun to plan out where we were going next and then go across the park back and forth to all of the things. For Splash Mountain it was funny because through the entire trip we were really lucky in getting to be at the front of all the lines (like Tower we sat in the front row twice out of three rides) and SM was no exception. So we're going up and realize we're going to be in the front of the ride (i.e. the soaking portion). So Kelly says oh I'll just sit in the back okay? You two get the front. Then Cory says Heidi I want you to sit in the front.... So Heidi sits in the front, and gets completely drenched.... Haha it was pretty funny though, seriously there was one dry portion on my back....And I loved the realization that your butt is always the last thing to dry out! We also saw this little production of the history of Disneyland, since it was the first one ever. It was cool, Steve Martin hosted and I didn't know that he got his start at Disneyland. I think that's so cool!

Overall it was such a fun part of the vacay and I bought lots of fun stuff! I also realized about myself though that I am not exactly a people person. I mean I can handle the crowds because I was expecting them, but when you can't get any open space around you because 13 year old little brats are talking to their friends and cutting you in line, I get a little annoyed... The little kids though running around are so freakin adorable because you can tell they are just loving being there. Even the ones who are almost shaking because they're so scared to go on Tower of Terror. Alright, so ends the saga of Cali Trip: Act I - Disney.

Getting there

Okay I know I've been totally slacking on blogging about my amazing trip. And side note: Yes Kara, I had never been to Disneyland, it's quite amazing I know but somehow I managed it.

So I'm getting to the blogging part about my trip it's just taking time to get pictures of everything all organized and I don't want to post something with no pictures because no pictures = no fun! Haha sometimes I think the only reason I do things is to have pictures. So more about my trip to come.

So instead of writing about my trip I'll write about something random that's kind of annoying me. So FEMA had a surplus of supplies and they gave it away. WHOA HOW CAN THEY DO SUCH A THING?!?!?! Well that's what people in New Orleans are saying because they're victims of Hurricane Katrina and they need all that stuff. Well FEMA asked all the states if they needed the stuff before they gave it away to the National Guard and other things like that. 16 states said they didn't need anything, including Louisiana. So people in New Orleans are MAD at FEMA saying that we say we care about the welfare of the world but we can't even take care of our own citizens and blah blah blah. Come on here people, don't be as stupid as you look. It's not like FEMA said oh we hate those people who were in the hurricane that was 3 years ago, so we're not going to give them anything. No, they asked the state if they wanted it and they said no. It's also not like that disaster was the only one we've had and those people deserve special treatment because they're sad. No. There are disasters every day like tornadoes in the sunbelt and fires in the west. FEMA also didn't just give that stuff to other countries and said screw America. All the millions of dollars of stuff went TO THE NEEDY in America. Now I feel bad that those people lost their homes and that New Orleans is stupid enough to have crappy levees and live below sea level. That makes me sad, but seriously get over yourselves and see the bigger picture. And don't blame FEMA, try starting out smaller and asking your own state government why they didn't ask for some.